


Blue.

by grossnoona



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, Fluff and Angst, M/M, yk the drill boys its sad but happy bc im like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:33:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23874748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grossnoona/pseuds/grossnoona
Summary: Ritsu wonders if it’s okay. Are things okay like this? Ritsu was never good at figuring things out.Ritsu wished he was good at knowing things.It scares him when things are like this, to be honest. It scares him a lot.
Relationships: Isara Mao/Sakuma Ritsu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Blue.

**Author's Note:**

> hallo everyone grossnoona here and it is _maoritsu day baby_  
>  not like it isn't maoritsu day _everyday_ for this demon but anyway  
> i wrote this in the morning and tweaked it before posting bc skjdnjsdnsjd idk this fic seems a little messy but somehow?? i like it ww  
> anyway i hope you have fun!!

Ritsu wonders if it’s okay. Are things okay like this? Ritsu doesn’t know. Not like Ritsu was ever good at knowing things. Ritsu wished he was good at knowing things. Ritsu wished he knew the answers to the question that plagues his mind as he tosses and turns in bed. It’s _honestly annoying_ when things become like this.

Did Ritsu push it too far? Maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t.

_Ritsu isn’t so sure, honestly._

What happened? Ritsu wonders deeply about that. Just what was so important about that argument? Ritsu can’t remember. It wasn’t about distance, they never had a problem about that. Ritsu is good at entertaining himself. Was it about schedules again? Ritsu doubts that. If it wasn’t about distance, schedules shouldn’t be a problem. Sure, when they stay too long apart, they get anxious about wanting to see each other _but_ it isn’t that. Ritsu remembers that. Ritsu can confirm that it isn’t about being clingy to each other. Ritsu has long accepted that.

Then what was it? Ritsu can’t remember.

Ritsu tried to think about it as he stared at the ceiling. Did Ritsu cry? Ritsu feels like he did. Why else would he feel _this_ guilty? Then what were they arguing about? Ritsu doesn’t know. Maybe Ritsu forgot something. Anniversary? Ma-kun isn’t the type to get fussy about things like this, though. Ma-kun knows Ritsu is bad at remembering things. If anything, he likes it and finds it cute whenever Ritsu goes along things without knowing they’re for him. Mao likes surprising Ritsu so this shouldn’t be a subject of an argument.

“ _I can’t entertain you anymore―Sometimes, being with you is like being with a child! Don’t you understand I’m tired of you?!_ ”

Ah. Right.

That’s why they had an argument. Was it an argument, though? To be honest, it didn’t feel like one. It didn’t have the components of an argument. Arguments are heated exchanges between two individuals or something like that. Ritsu doesn’t recall arguing back with Mao. Ritsu recalls just being silent and hurt by Mao’s words but Ritsu doesn’t think Ritsu ever fought back. Why didn’t Ritsu fight back? Ritsu doesn’t know. Maybe he didn’t want to. Maybe he was afraid of fighting with Mao.

Ritsu stares deeply into the ceiling. What is he going to do now? Ritsu doesn’t know. Ritsu hasn’t figured it out.

Should he apologise? How? _I’m sorry for being a brat_ ―Would Mao forgive Ritsu at all? Ritsu doesn’t think so, to be honest. Should Ritsu just leave Mao be? He did mention being tired of Ritsu so maybe Ritsu should just leave him be. What if Ritsu doesn’t want to? Should Ritsu just distract himself and forget about Mao? Surely, there are piles of work to help him with that but what if those thoughts seep in as he does work? Would Ritsu be able to stop him from wanting to see Mao?

To be honest, Ritsu doesn’t have a concrete answer to _any of those questions_.

Ritsu thinks deeply about those words Mao uttered. Mao doesn’t want Ritsu anymore. Is that true? Does Mao really mean those words? Or maybe Mao said that unwillingly? Even so, that just means he has thought about it before. He has thought about how he doesn’t need Ritsu anymore. He has thought about Ritsu being a nuisance before. This means regardless of what answer Mao gives to Ritsu, those words were true to an extent. Does that mean Ritsu should give up on being with Mao? Does that mean Ritsu is just _nothing_ to Mao? Ritsu doesn’t know. He wished he knew.

If he knew, he wouldn’t be lying awake like this.

Ritsu doesn’t want to think about school tomorrow. He’s honestly afraid. It’ll affect his relationships with everyone else that knows Mao― _That is a lot of people_. It’ll also affect when he’s at work too. They can’t run away from each other, even if they did try. It’s going to affect everyone. Ritsu can tell. How will the response be? Ritsu doesn’t know. Ritsu doesn’t want to know. He feels like the response isn’t going to be favorable to him. That’s scary, honestly.

It kind of makes him not want to sleep. 

If he sleeps, tomorrow comes. When tomorrow comes, Ritsu will have to face this strange nightmare that Ritsu has yet to understand.

It’s hard to look at anyone who’s close to Mao. Every time Ritsu catches a glimpse of his friends, Ritsu feels like he’s being stared down at. It honestly makes him anxious. What did Mao tell them? What did Mao say to paint Ritsu as such a bad person? It makes Ritsu want to apologise until his voice goes hoarse. Ritsu doesn’t know what he did wrong but he feels like he has to own up to it.

Is that strange? Ritsu wonders. 

Surely, if Ritsu could talk to Mao, Ritsu will understand why this is happening but how does Ritsu confront him about that? How can Ritsu talk to Mao? Ritsu doesn’t know. It almost seems impossible as Ritsu watches Mao happily talk to his friends. Ritsu doesn’t want to disturb Mao. Ritsu doesn’t want to turn Mao’s mood sour.

The way Mao smiles warmly at his friends, Ritsu is afraid of scaring it away. 

The way Mao laughs and talks with his friends, Ritsu doesn’t want it to disappear.

Ritsu likes it when Mao is happy. If Ritsu makes such a beautiful thing disappear, Ritsu would rather not talk to Mao at all. As long as Mao is happy, Ritsu is willing to stay far away from him. He doesn’t want to disturb such a happy face. It’s Ritsu’s favourite expression on Mao, after all.

It feels stupid that Ritsu is staring at Mao from a distance―Makes him feel a bit like a stalker. Is that okay? Ritsu doesn’t think so. Mao has always been a little self-conscious when he gets stared at for too long. Ritsu should probably stop doing this. It probably is creeping Mao out anyway. He wouldn’t appreciate this, regardless of how he feels about Ritsu.

“ _Hey Sarii, isn’t that your fri―_ ”

Ritsu bolts the opposite direction as soon as he hears one of his friends point Ritsu out. Please don’t point Ritsu out like that. Ritsu doesn’t like it when he gets called out like that. Especially with the state of his relationship with Mao is like.

The last thing Ritsu wants is to be confronted by Mao when he’s surrounded by his friends. Ritsu doesn’t know why but he just doesn’t want to be confronted by Mao when he’s with his friends. There’s a sense of awkwardness when Ritsu thinks about it. There’s a sense of uncertainty when Ritsu thinks about it. Ritsu feels uncomfortable, just thinking about it.

It’s honestly surprising that Ritsu feels uncomfortable about Mao’s friends even though they’re nice. Ritsu doesn’t hate them. Ritsu thinks they suit Mao really well.

Subaru isn’t a terrible person but he is a bit strange. Not that it ever bothered Ritsu. If anything, Ritsu found the other interesting. Makoto is someone Ritsu is rather familiar with but not in the way Makoto wants him to be. It’s fine, they’re still able to hold a conversation. Ritsu doesn’t know how but they just can. Hokuto is a little difficult to get into a conversation with but Ritsu _tries_. Ritsu thinks Hokuto is a nice person to have tea with. Anzu is someone Ritsu is close with too so there isn’t much to say about that. She’s a good friend, in Ritsu’s opinion.

_Then why does the thought of talking to them now feel scary?_

Is it because of the stares he got earlier? Maybe. That makes sense. That’s a valid reason to feel anxious about talking to them.

Ritsu wonders if he’s overthinking this and that isn’t the case. Maybe they’re just worried about Ritsu. He doesn’t know, to be honest. He can’t figure it out at all. It’s scary when he can’t figure out the signals that are being thrown at him. Just what do they all mean? Ritsu doesn’t know. Ritsu wants to know. How will he know? Ritsu doesn’t know.

It’s terrible that Ritsu doesn’t know anything. He knows he’s stupid but he wishes he wasn’t _this_ stupid.

_There’s no work today._

Everyone else has their own solo work so Ritsu doesn’t actually need to show up but if he goes home, he’ll just drown in his own thoughts. He doesn't really want that. If he does that, he probably will have another sleepless night like the night before. He _really_ doesn’t want that. One sleepless night is enough for him.

Though, what is he going to do? Walk around? Maybe. That seems like a reasonable option. He can probably take a nap somewhere in the garden. It’s pretty hidden and he won’t be a bother to anyone else. Not to mention, it’s a pretty comfortable place to sleep. He might bump into Jun but that’s fine. Though Jun is typically far busier than Ritsu so maybe he won’t bump into Jun. Ritsu doesn’t know really. Despite not knowing the right answer to that, Ritsu is okay with not knowing whether or not he’ll see Jun.

In fact, he rather not. He almost forgot that Jun and Mao are close too.

Ritsu finds a nice spot to rest underneath a tree. It doesn’t seem so sunny today. Ritsu is wondering if he even needs to find shade, he probably doesn’t but he rather not want to figure that out mid-way through his nap. Not like it matters. If it gets too sunny, he’ll just move to a shadier spot. Or maybe he’ll just ignore it. He can decide when it happens. Though, will it even turn sunny? Ritsu doesn’t know. It doesn’t look like it. That’s a good thing, right? It should be.

It doesn’t take much to knock Ritsu out. That might be due to the fact that Ritsu just likes napping and that he didn’t sleep the night before. He’s just _really tired_ right now. All he wants to do is sleep. He doesn’t really care what happens to him. 

Just let him sleep in peace.

Ritsu dreams of sea currents. It’s a strange thing to dream about. Ritsu doesn’t know why he’s dreaming of them.

All he can feel is the feeling of being swept away by the waves as he tries to reach ashore. It makes Ritsu wonder if _there even is shore_. A part of Ritsu doesn’t think so. It’s scary thinking about it. Why is that? Why does Ritsu feel like he’s struggling to swim and is going to drown? He doesn’t want to drown. It’s scary to drown.

The feeling of water getting into his system― _It makes Ritsu choke._

Please stop. Someone. Please help. Ritsu can’t do this anymore. He’s tired. He’s scared. He doesn’t know what to do. What should he do? Ritsu doesn’t know. It’s stupid that Ritsu doesn’t even know what to do, even in his own dreams. Why is he so useless? Why is he so stupid? Why is he such a bother to take care of?

**_Ritsu doesn’t know._ **

Ritsu wakes up in someone’s bed. _Weird._ To be honest, he can’t tell the dorm rooms apart so he doesn’t know whose room he’s in.

He quickly notices he’s wearing Mao’s purple jacket. Why is that? Did Mao find him in the garden? That would make sense, honestly. Trickstar always has work. If they don’t have work, they’re practicing. It’s never-ending work for that unit. They’re all workaholics to some extent. Mao being the biggest workaholic, in Ritsu’s opinion.

Ritsu giggles weakly to himself. Ma-kun has always been a workaholic but even then he’d still take care of Ritsu. Even now, when they’re both fighting, Mao is still taking care of Ritsu. Why is that? Just how much do you care about Ritsu, Ma-kun? It’s not good to force yourself to do something you don’t want. Ritsu doesn’t want Mao to push himself too much. Ritsu doesn’t want Mao to hurt himself.

Ritsu could hear heavy rain outside of the window. Ah, is that why Ritsu dreamt of the sea? Ritsu must’ve slept in the rain earlier. Did Mao find him soaking wet? Did Mao find Ritsu just before all of his clothes got soaked in dirt? Ritsu wondered about that. Though, judging by how stuffy his nose feels and how cold he feels, Mao probably found him soaking wet already.

Is he getting a cold? That’s going to be a problem for tomorrow. Ritsu has practice tomorrow.

Ritsu hears the door click open. Was it Mao?

“Ritsu, are you okay?” Mao asks as he places a mug on the bedside table. Ritsu doesn’t really know what is in the mug. For all Ritsu knows, it’s probably something to make him feel better. Ritsu quietly watches Mao check Ritsu’s temperature. Mao mumbles how weird it was to find Ritsu in the garden, napping in the cold rain like that. For a minute, Mao didn’t know how to react at all. It was such a strange sight.

Ritsu weakly laughed as Mao continued rambling about the strange experience. Ritsu didn’t realise it was going to rain at all. He genuinely thought it was going to be sunny. Though, Ritsu did wonder a bit about the weather. Guess he just believed too much in the idea of the day will be sunny, he forgot that it would rain.

Mao smiles softly.

“You’re such a strange person,” Mao mumbles to Ritsu as Ritsu leans into his touch. This touch―Ritsu wonders if he deserves it. Didn’t Mao say he found Ritsu difficult to take care of? Didn’t Mao say he didn’t want to take care of Ritsu anymore? Didn’t Mao say he was tired of Ritsu?

Then why is he taking care of Ritsu right now? Is it out of pity?

Mao is taken aback by Ritsu’s confusion. It’s almost as if he forgot about their argument yesterday. Ritsu is starting to question who has terrible memory here; Ritsu or Mao? Did Mao feel like those hurtful words he said to Ritsu meant nothing? Did Mao think that those hurtful words was just some funny joke? Ritsu doesn’t understand Mao at all

Mao stares at Ritsu for a minute before realising what he meant. 

_Right. Those words._

Mao takes a deep breath before taking Ritsu’s hand into his.

“I actually should apologise for that―It’s not your fault that I got mad,” Mao admits. He doesn’t even beat around the bush this time. He admits he got irrationally mad at Ritsu for no reason. He was stressed out about work, he didn’t mean it to take it out on Ritsu. He knows he shouldn’t have done that. He’s sorry for saying those words. He really didn’t think about the weight of those words.

Nor did he really think about the weight of his actions.

Subaru pointed Ritsu out earlier at school but it seemed Ritsu ran away before Mao could even see him. Automatically, his friends assumed Ritsu was avoiding Mao. It didn’t occur to Mao that his friends would side with Mao and point fingers at Ritsu instead of asking what actually happened between them. It felt weird, honestly. Even if Mao were to explain, he felt like his friends would still pin the blame on Ritsu. Even though it seemed pretty obvious that Mao was at fault.

Mao kisses Ritsu’s hand. It was cruel, honestly. Mao didn’t realise he could be so cruel.

Mao doesn’t know if Ritsu would forgive him. He wants Ritsu to forgive him but it’s okay if Ritsu doesn’t. Mao has to admit, he wouldn’t really forgive himself for scaring Ritsu like that. He wouldn’t really forgive himself for hurting Ritsu like that. Though, Ritsu doesn’t want Mao to beat himself up over that.

Ritsu kisses Mao’s forehead. Ritsu just wants Mao to stay.

“Stay with me until I get better?” Ritsu asks Mao who laughs in response. Did Ritsu forget that Ritsu is in _Mao’s bed,_ not Ritsu’s? Ritsu giggles weakly as Mao makes mention that Izumi and Shu haven’t returned so there’s still somewhere a place for Mao to sleep.

Ritsu whines about Mao sleeping separately. Ritsu wants to sleep next to Mao. He doesn’t care. He wants Mao to sleep next to him. Surely, Mao can make the cold disappear, right? If the cold disappears, Mao can sleep next to Ritsu. Mao laughs as Ritsu tries to get Mao to sleep next to him tonight. Yes, yes, Mao can sleep next to Ritsu if he gets better so go rest. Ritsu needs it.

Ritsu smiles warmly as he holds Mao’s hand tightly. Ritsu doesn’t know a lot of things and honestly, it’s scary. Ritsu gets scared easily. Ritsu gets worried easily. Ritsu doesn’t know how to react when things go beyond his control. Especially when they’re with Mao, Ritsu gets scared if these unknown things involve Mao. Ritsu doesn’t know what to do when Mao becomes the problem.

Though, there is one thing Ritsu can now be certain about.

With the way Mao tightly holds Ritsu’s hand, Ritsu can say it with full confidence that Mao will always love Ritsu. The way Mao holds tightly to Ritsu’s waist as he gives Ritsu butterfly kisses, Ritsu is certain about Mao’s feelings. Even if Ritsu feels a little uncertain, Ritsu can just ask Mao.

“ _Ritchan,_ ” Mao whispers into Ritsu’s shoulder as Ritsu hums in response.

  
“ _I love you._ ” Mao kisses Ritsu’s shoulder as Ritsu laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> its a p ???weird fic in my opinion  
> lots of weird gaps here and there but somehow i think its satisfying and telling of ritsu's personality  
> i was actually thinking abt how mao can be really cruel w/o anyone putting the blame on him and that it can have an effect on ritsu if they ever fought  
> its just an interesting aspect of their r/s imo so i tried testing it out  
> i hope you had fun bc i did!  
> thank you for reading!  
> (if you want, you can follow me (and probs talk to me) [@drunkossan](https://twitter.com/drunkossan))


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